You just can’t understand this without understanding what typical Indian girls go through every day. And I am talking about those girls who are some or the other way getting harrassed by a bunch of perverts every day.
Note: Before writing this, I wanna make one thing clear that I’m not going to underestimate the feelings of any girl, that she is a Bechaari-types, can’t-do-anything, good for nothing or something like that. In fact, this is my attempt to enlighten something from experiences which I have felt so far in my own life.
Internation Women’s Day is celebrated on March 8 every year. It is a general celebration where we all respect, love, and appreciate our mom, sister, wife, or maybe the girlfriend for their presence in our lives and making us to what we are today.
But the question arises here is do we really care about our women as much we try to pretend on this day? Not really. We believe it or not, Indian society has been following the same patriarchy where the male is the one who always dominates(most of the times) I would not say it is good or bad because everyone has its own way of seeing things. But I want to quote an example of its impact.
So let’s take an example of a typical Indian girl to see if she really has an attitude problem.
Who is a typical Indian girl?
A typical Indian girl would start from home to go to school/college/work and experiences eve teasing almost every day by goons or few of other guys or people around her. It either happens to herself or to some other friends.
Then she receives random calls/ SMSes or on WhatsApp/Facebook from strangers who want to be her Frndsssss. Accidental strangers try to feel them up in queues, trains, and buses etc. Whenever we open the newspaper and sees the news of the rape of a child who is hardly 5 years old, which seems to become very common.
Creepy ogled by people on the road whose sole motive in life is to see as many female boobs as possible by staring at them as if they have never seen any.
Then there are the kidnappings, threats to accept someone’s love, girls being burnt by acid (In recent years we have seen a lot of cases as such) etc. Some read about all this in the newspaper, some criticize the society while others face this every day. I have actually seen such cases and I am proud to say that I could be the help in that case. All in all, these fucked up guys want girls to have sex with them. That’s all their motive is to approach a girl.
Are some girls wrong in thinking boys just want to have sex?
I am a male so I would not support this for sure. No, not every boy who talks or has lunch/dinner with a girl has bad intentions for the girl, I obviously know that it isn’t the ‘Universal truth’, but when you see so many crimes happening to your section of the society, you are bound to think that way. And hence, a girl will think the same way for you. (Until you genuinely make her realize that you are not one of those perverts.)
I consider it too soft on their part that they even talk to us every day, even after seeing all these things happening around. Believe me, it’s a great thing. Though some girls do really have an attitude problem(They will pretend as if they are queen Elizabeth and undervalue other people, well I keep myself away from such people), most of the girls are just being protective and following what they have been taught since their childhood, “Don’t gel up with boys”.
When politicians, police, and society consider it their responsibility to be safe, and when a rape happens, the girl is the first person to be blamed, who wouldn’t wanna practice a little safety. Are they doing anything wrong?
Let’s take another example
You are a nice guy, a girl from your college starts talking to you. You fall in love with her. As they say, one-sided love, the girl doesn’t feel anything for you other than a good friend. She tells you NO. You get mad, you are the MAN, after all. Live in the patriarchy society. You start harassing her, stalking her everywhere, telling your guy friends about her, now they’ll join you too. After all, how can she say NO? She is supposed to say YES only, else it will kill your ego which you can’t risk. So now you’ll start sending her messages on WhatApp, Facebook, and Instagram, or you will threaten her by saying that you will tell her parents/brother/relatives that you had sex with several guys or in extreme case you may throw acid on her face, after all, she has said NO to you. NO?
But does this happen?
Well, almost every day!
Related: Underreckoning of Women
(Do read this blog post where I have talked about the Feudal Mindset of Indian Psych Male)
Rape or Escape? Well, she preferred death over rape.
I was reading a random news some time ago, and I was astonished to see where a woman jumps off building to escape rape
In order to save herself from being raped, a young woman had jumped from the second floor of a building in Kolkata. On Sunday, the 20-yr-old woman’s boyfriend and two of his friends alleged tried to rape her. The woman suffered a head injury but it’s deemed to be minor. The boyfriend and his accomplices have been arrested. The incident took place in Liluah, Kolkata in the evening. The report states that she had come to meet her boyfriend, but 2 of his friends were already present when she arrived. They gave her a spiked drink and disclosed that they wanted to have sex with her. They then threatened to kill🔪 her after she screamed. Immediately after that she ran to the roof and jumped off. Locals saw her and took her to the hospital while others caught and handed over the 3 attackers to the police.
Now, is there any wrong if a girl doesn’t talk to you in one go? (still, a lot of girls do if they are comfortable)
Is there anything wrong if she takes some safety precautions like talking to a minimum number of guys?
Give them a BREAK!
By talking about all this, I am not asking you to go change your behavior, I am not asking you to start beating up every fellow guy who misbehaves with a girl, I am not even asking you to be extra polite with girls just because they are of a different gender than you. Hell, No! It doesn’t matter if they are women, men, or transgender. All I am asking you to bring a change in your mindset about such things. Just give them a break.
This answer isn’t aimed at snobby girls or girls who think they are above the rest. This is aimed at girls who really haven’t interacted with boys that much since childhood, who may be from small villages or towns where interaction with boys has been frowned upon since ever.
Some Facebook Views
I have asked a question on Facebook that “Do Indian girls have an attitude problem?” and in return, I get a lot of answers. Out of all the answers, I would love to share a few views here which matches with the above article-
Actually, girls do not have an attitude problem…
Girls are very friendly with whom they feel comfortable with, she even shares her secrets with boys most of the time. But she doesn’t talk to every random guy, so boys feel that she is carrying an attitude, which might be their views but she really doesn’t care about those people, because she knows very well that they don’t know her personally, her story, a few people are just judging her by her cover page. If they really want to know about her attitude ask from their closed ones, they will describe her book, her friendliness, her caring nature, her kindness, her flaws, they will describe her. But don’t ever say that girls have attitude problem. Yar come on …this is not an era where we can trust everyone, so how could we talk to everyone..??? Just think about that at least… if we talk to everyone, guys start thinking we are for time pass and if we do not talk to everyone, then we have an attitude problem…
Actually, men and women both do have attitude problem. Attitude has nothing to do with gender. It depends on with whom you are dealing.
Men while talking to a few men, may show attitude, but with some men and women, they are cool.
The Same case is with women.
In India, women sometimes feel insecure at places, that time they show some attitude just to show herself a reserved person.
When I got recruited, I got a HOD. She was a woman. We just talked about work related things. Neither she nor did I open up. She thought I do have an attitude. I thought (not actually thought but felt a little) she does have an attitude problem. Then with time, we started talking as work took us close and we discovered that none of us had attitude problem but we just acted reserved personality. Now we are great friends. I call her most. And in return, she hits me on my biceps with love.
So, we have personality, not actually attitude. We either don’t feel comfortable with some people for the whole time or we feel comfortable just in first interaction.
So, it is about comfort level. You give them comfort, and they love you, be they are men or women.
Additionally, some people have reserved personality, they don’t interact much. That does not mean they have an attitude. They have this nature. They have this kind of personality.
-J Alchem | Author of A Road Not Traveled
Indian woman doesn’t have an attitude problem, Indian men are not able to read and understand the changing women. Why do men think if they like someone, she has to accept? Doesn’t she have her own say and choice? This new paradigm shift has started to bother the neo age men. Especially when the woman is superior in education, looks, earning capacity or post she holds, she will expect a man to compliment her and match her intellectual level.
Yes, she has an attitude problem ….but in a different way !….
Cause if she has a very good attitude, then she is termed as easy, friendly, too open and that becomes a problem for her!
And if she has a bad attitude, then she could be called a snob, a feminist or fake. So that’s also a problem.
So yes the problem is with the Attitude of the opposite person …creepy men drools around girls and hence they have to have this ‘Attitude problem’
Yes, Girl has an attitude. It’s compulsory for single girls. Attitude is not a symbol of ego. Attitude is a symbol of self-respect. If she’s easily talking to every other guy that means she is available and slut. If she is not talking easily that means she has an attitude. For me attitude is compulsory. It makes you different but she should know how and where to show this.
So yeah, it can be concluded that one should respect the other person, be it a woman or man, and act wisely. And I guess, in India, women deserves more respect from us. From men.
Today, on this Women’s day I want to thank my Mum, the most wonderful lady who has taught me to respect women and to respect their feelings. Not just because of they are of different gender, but they too are human beings. Thanks so much Mum. And wish you and all the lovely women in the world, a happy women’s day.
Thank you so much for reading!
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All Rights Reserved.
PS- This blog post was originally posted the same day on my blog last year which is completely inspired by Prabhat Singh.